It was never about the weight. The weight was simply a metaphor for everything the extra pounds attributed to my life. 90 days ago I was 224 pounds. 224 pounds, unhappy, unhealthy and mentally unstable. If the outside of me didn’t look to appealing, you can only imagine what the inside looked like. I had no love for myself, no respect for myself and no idea of who I was. I was going down a dark dark path and I was close to the point of no return. I was partaking in everything that went against my moral values and belief system. I was using my addiction more and more and I was taking more anti depressants and mood stabilizers than ever. At the age of 18 I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder with a severe case of depression. Since then I have been on and off medication. Unfortunately, while trying to get better with medication, the medication actually added on a ton of weight which caused me more unhappiness. No matter how badly I wanted to change, I couldn’t muster up the courage to get up and start fighting for myself. I was so busy focusing on my YouTube career I didn’t notice how badly I had fell off the wagon. I masked my insecurities, depression and unhappiness by working hard on my channel and achieving great success through my videos. What hurt the most was having to edit my videos. Doing a prank a week and daily vlogs, having to stare at myself while editing for hours has become a chore. I was constantly reminded about how much I hated myself and how unworthy I was to be happy. I had reached my breaking point. On May 11, 2015 I decided to turn my life around. I checked into rehab for my addiction and I began my 90 Day workout program. For 90 days I did everything I could to kick all of my bad habits out of my life. I started sleeping early and waking up early. Cleaning after myself. Shaving and showering in the morning. You know the little things. Little by little I began picking up steam. One workout a day became 2 workouts a day. 1 gallon a day became 2 gallons a day. 1 puppy to take care of became 2. Outside of the gym, I was focusing on how I treated others. I always believed that how you treat others is a representation of how you feel about yourself. I became more patient, more understanding, more willing to help out those in needs with favors. I began focusing on others happiness before mine and thinking about how what I say and do will affect them. Slowly but surely my life was turning around. I opted out of rehab during the last 3 weeks because I began noticing that my life was getting substantially better the more I worked on it getting better. Everything I had been waiting for was happening, but not by just sitting on my butt. By getting up and working harder than ever day in and out making sure I was living the life I knew that I deserved. Now, here I am. Well past day 90 and more happy than ever. The best version of myself that I can be. Back to the me I remembered whenever I thought about what it meant to be happy. Is it because of how I look? No. That’s obviously a plus, but because of the person I am now on the inside. The person who knows how to nurture himself and those around him and understands the beauty of happiness. I hope this video is the seed that plants the happiness you’ve been looking for in your life. I pray this sparks the inner voice in your head that lets you know that it’s not too late and that you can change. You have what it takes. I promise you no matter how badly you have fallen you have what it takes to get back up and succeed. Replay this video in your head over and over again but imagine yourself. Imagine yourself on day 90 and then imagine yourself smiling at the end happy with the person you have become. I believe in you. If this doesn’t pertain to you, share this video with a loved one you feel could need the pick me up. Nurturing someone else is a great form of self nurture. I love you and I wish nothing but the best for you.
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